moonsganef: (Default)
[personal profile] moonsganef
Might as well use it, right?

Cay finally convinced me to actually make a Dreamwidth account (They've been talking to me about the fics that coyo, one of their favorite authors, has been writing for Night Vale for a while now, but I couldn't see coyo's fic myself, because of friendlist requirements and being intimidated by the Dreamwidth formatting/difficulty of finding people on here), and since no one BUT Cay has really heard anything about me making this account, it seems like a shame not to use it to post more in-depth about how things are going than I can on Tumblr due to best friend being stressed and not wanting to stress her out even more because of me having a tough time adjusting to being in college.

So yeah.

...Once I figure out how to make a cut, lots of rambling about college will be found underneath it.

I've been in college for about a week now (well, it was a week as of Saturday, if we're talking about Move-In Day), and it's been.... interesting, trying to adjust.

My family is big and noisy and boisterous and I have absolutely no political or social views in common with them past "Murder is Bad". I've been counting down to my 18th birthday, in days, since I was 14, because I couldn't wait to get away from my house. I have broken down crying because of how alone I felt in my house, or because my mom was making plans that I absolutely couldn't stand the idea of going through on.

So, you know, the fact that I've come to college and been breaking down in tears basically every time I'm not actively hanging out with someone? Came as a bit of a surprise. I thought I couldn't wait to be alone, but I don't really deal well with loneliness.

Maybe I just haven't made my room my own enough, yet. I put up some posters the other day, and that helps a bit in making my room more homey, but it still doesn't feel like it's my place yet.

There are a couple of people I feel like I can talk to- Katie, Mary Kate, Teryn, Grace and Steph, for example, and my roommate as well. It just feels too early on in knowing them to talk to them all the time - especially about how much trouble I'm adjusting to being 1210 miles from home, and being 260 miles away from the nearest person I've known for more than a week and a half. I mean, most of them are from the South, so they're all within emergency distance of their families. Mary Kate's the only other Northerner out of the bunch, and she's basically the epitome of "don't give a fuck", which is awesomely fun to hang out with, but less great for approaching and having heart-to-hearts with.

And, I mean, I'd try to talk to Siiri, since I know she adores me and I adore her and she'll understand, but she's working seven days a week, and more than twelve hours per day at least two of those days. I don't want to put her under any more stress than I have to, and I worry that, if I were to tell her how hard adjusting's been, I would stress her out a lot.

Things are already starting to get better, though, now that I'm actively connecting with some people, but it's just too early to tell.

I think my main issue is with not having a choice about staying in or going out. You don't want to go out here by yourself - not as a female, even a 5'9" one who's sturdily built and looks like she's ready to rip a piece out of you whenever she's not actively smiling. We've gotten at least three crime alerts from campus police already, one a day for the past several days. All of them have been off-campus, but none of them have really been more than a couple blocks off-campus. Mayyyybe a mile away, max?

But yeah, not really a great area for going out by myself on campus past about 8 PM - and never really a good time for going out by myself off campus! So if I don't have someone to go out with, I pretty much can't go out, and that's what's been wearing on me, I think.

I'm fine with not going out if I have the choice - I mean, there were months at a time during high school when I literally didn't go out outside of school or family excursions! - but the choice is essential, and that's what's been missing for the past little while.

I mean, that and coffee. I finally got my coffeemaker in the mail - a tiny little 4-cup thing that's just barely enough for two mugfuls, but it's so much better than cafeteria coffee.

So yeah, now that activities are starting and there's more to occupy my time, as well as there being people I can talk to and hang out with, and coffee that I can drink without creamer and sugar out the wazoo, I think things are getting better.

I hope things are getting better.

And, hey, at least I've got a new site to figure out and tool around on if things aren't!

Date: 2013-09-06 08:17 pm (UTC)
straycat_cayra: (zaiblush)
From: [personal profile] straycat_cayra
Hey Moony, congrats on figuring out the cut thing! *squishes*

I really hope you find more people to connect with and that at least one or two of them turn out really good friends. I've got only one here, but at least I'm not a 1000 miles from everyone else. *plays the 1000 miles song for you*

Stay safe.

Date: 2013-09-10 11:10 am (UTC)
straycat_cayra: (Default)
From: [personal profile] straycat_cayra
*hug* I have confidence that you will prevail!


moonsganef: (Default)

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